If you sprinkle when you tinkle...

While I have perfected my etiquette for dinner parties, interviews, and other meetings in which crossed legs and properly placed fancy napkins are a requirement, I can also admit that behind closed doors I'm another gal. There have been several Sunday mornings in which I've spent hunched over a toilet with my fingers down my throat trying to relieve my body of the dehydration and pain caused by the previous nights' consumption of vodka shots and keg stands. If you catch me making the still-half-asleep-walk from the bedroom to the bathroom in the morning, chances are my sweatpants have fallen to my ankles before my arrival because of my preference to ancient, ex-boyfriend attire versus a pink, silky nighty. I burp without excusing myself (in front of people), I creatively construct sentences that put new meaning to the word "profane", and I am like a 6 year old when it comes to trying to convince me to take a shower. However, I always flush the toilet.

When exactly was it that the slightest amount of parental coaching and the ever-popular handle on the side of America's toilets stopped being enough to remind us humans that the rest of the population don't want to see our fecal matter? Why is it that more than 50% of the public bathrooms I've had the honor of peeing in now come equipped with some clip-art detailed notice on "what to do next"?

And ladies, how exactly is it that we manage to sprinkle when we tinkle? Perhaps I'm anatomically incorrect, but the last time I went I don't recall the ability to get it anywhere else. Can we, too, write our names in the snow?

Perhaps my weary, part-time job days of latex gloved hands scrubbing the unknown off of that familiar white ceramic have come to an expiration. However, the signs that direct us on what to do in places rarely occupied by those who are still being potty trained, have become a category of their own.

A quick Google search of "funny bathroom signs" will get your mind off of the days work for a good 20 minutes, so allow me to show you some I find completely unnecessary, and others that are just hysterical: